How will that sleazy, lying Uriah Heep of a hairless gerbil named Brian Stelter intend to circle this square? CNN, a left-wing, basement-rated misinformation machine that spreads conspiracy theories and violence, is now admitting its blatant partisanship has damaged its ratings and credibility.
But-but-but, the hairless gerbil told me CNN is straight news!
According to the latest, CNN’s incoming chief, who is no conservative, will immediately cry Uncle! By putting an end to disgraced former CNN chief Jeff Zucker’s disastrous management choices, that drove the cable channel onto the rocks of its glorious doom.
“Under new chief Chris Licht, CNN will dial down the prime-time partisanship and double down on the network’s news-gathering muscle,” reports the far-left Axios. “Ratings are secondary to credibility, in the view of Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav, who’s taking over CNN.”
“Zaslav, at the urging of mentor John Malone, is likely to push CNN back to hard news, and away from red-hot liberal opining.”
Game over, baby!
Remember, this was never about changing or fixing CNNLOL. This was never about shaming the shameless into becoming mature professionals. When you’re talking about the corporate media, that’s a stupid goal, a pointless goal, a total waste of time.
No, this was only about one thing… Driving CNN to its fat, smug knees where there was only one option: to not only admit their left-wing bias but to admit their bias was killing ratings and the brand.
Well, will you look at these pompous bastards now.
Again, let’s not get excited with unicorn dreams about being blessed with an unbiased, professional news operation only interested in the truth. That is not going to happen at CNN.
Chris Licht is the former showrunner of —get this — The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. So the very idea Licht will 1) give people on the right anything close to a fair hearing is not going to happen and 2) there’s just no getting around the fact that people who come from Licht’s bubbled world tend not to know what “objectivity,” “truth,” and “professionalism” really are.
Like all the others, Licht will be concerned only with one thing: status within the bubble, which means CNN will only get a little less worse. Maybe.
What more do you need to know than the following: Licht is “a regular at Zaslav summer parties in the Hamptons[.]” So, yeah, he’s about as in touch with the Common Man as this freak.
But let’s not close today’s glorious news on a cynical note, for I bring more gifts…
Here’s looking at you, Chris Wallace!
Taking on a second hallmark of the Zucker regime, the incoming Discovery team has expressed skepticism about the roster size for CNN+, the streaming service Zucker had been stocking with expensive talent.
The intrigue: Zucker ran an empire of 4,500 (not counting Turner Sports, which he also headed). But Licht’s domain may be smaller:
Staff is bracing for CNN+ to shrink before it even launches this spring. [emphasis original]
Let me tell you precisely what happened here…
CNN+ was a total troll operation. That’s all it was. As the basement fell out of CNNLOL and people like yours truly took enormous pleasure from that, Jeff Zucker spent a gazillion dollars to troll his critics with a defiant launch of CNN+. But that’s all CNN+ ever was—a troll. Anyone with an IQ above room temperature knows that no one’s going to pay a monthly fee to watch what they don’t watch for free. But Zucker is such an idiot, such a baby, that to show us he went ahead with CNN+ anyway,
Well, the only thing showed us is that he’s a raging zealot and prideful idiot with no connection to reality.
And now Zucker’s out, and his sidepiece Allison Gollust is out, and Chris Cuomo is out, and CNN+ is already in trouble, and CNNLOL’s been brought to its knees, and it’s Christmas morning, and there will almost certainly be more Christmas mornings as smug CNN heads roll. And every one of those fascist blacklisters has got it coming… and then some.